No More Kelly Belly

Today, is not a good day for me as far as my self esteem goes. This morning I was getting ready for work and I looked in the mirror to check the back of my hair and all I saw was fat...I hate this. Why can't I get motivated?!! It makes me sooo sick, when I look at my reflection in a window and I think that I look good, but when I look in a mirror, I look soooo differently. Sometimes I don't understand why my husband thinks I look good. But I am not going to go in that direction. No one did this to me, but me. IT is just so much easier to blame my weight issue on something other than myself. I need discipline and drive and I just dont have that right now for some reason. I heard today in a meeting that it takes 30 days to get in a new routine. I can say that I haven't gained any weight since I started this blog, but I know that I haven't lost anything and that sux. I just feel really out of place today. I moved cubes yesterday at work, who would have thought moving in a new place in the office, would make me feel so out of place all over....I don't like how my hair is today, or what I am wearing...anything...maybe it is because I am trying to quit smoking and the brain is on overdrive. I dont know. When I decided that I was going to quit I was gonna go cold Turkey....but the body would go in shock and then I would be even more loopy than I am now. So I decided to go in steps, no smoking at work right now. So far I am doing good, except I had one after lunch today since I am having such a crappy day. And I bummed one....haven't bought a pack in a few days. This is crazy...but right now quitting smoking is easier than losing weight. Shouldn't it be the other way around? I really can't wait until the weather cools off...its already started too, but mostly in the mornings. When I get home it is still sweltering and I dont want to be excerising outside. Ok, I think I am done with my rant for now. I'll blog more should anything happen. HA!